Made me laugh
http://calgary.kijiji.ca/c-cars-vehicles-cars-trucks-97-Jeep-TJ-Sport-SUV-The-Good-The-Bad-and-The-Ugly-W0QQAdIdZ387527090in case you dont want to click it or it gets changed:
CONGRATULATIONS! You've finally stumbled across you're opportunity to buy the '97 Jeep TJ Sport that you've probably never wanted! Navy and Black in colour, nearly a fifth of a million hard km's, not highway km's (driven like a Sherman Tank, over and through anythin' and everythin').
Alright, let me start by saying this Jeep is available for purchase only by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five pm shadow at noon, this Jeep would look like Tom Selleck. It's just that damn manly. I always get pulled over in this Jeep, when I ask the cops why, it's always "coz the Jeep is just too damn bada**". I picked this Jeep up at a game of Russian roulette with three rough neck ex-Navy Seals and Chuck Norris, the gun was fully loaded but Chuck still won, this Jeep was too cool for him so he left without it.
Engine is built for power- 4 cylinder 2.5 litres. Always has fresh oil, changed every 500 miles, or whenever it is completely burned/leaked out of the engine. Automatic Transmission, perfect if you're too busy drinking, smoking or straight wet coastin' to change gears. Don't let the severely non-aerodynamic design, 4 inch lift kit, 29" tractor wheels, and four wheel drive fool you, this little beast is fast. I've personally topped it out at 80 kph on a decline while on the run from four cops in Corvettes. If you're looking for an animal built on the planet Bada** that would make all of Chuck Norris's vehicles look like baby pink mini coopers, THIS JEEP IS IT!
It was never intended to drive to the store or to pick up that cute stuff you had your eye on at pottery barn. It wasn't built to transport you to yoga or drop your kids to soccer practice, NO, that's what a Rav 4 is for! If that's the vehicle you're looking for then do us all a favour and stop reading now.
This car was engineered by crack US Navy Seals to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. You think they considered the superfluous nancy boy amenities like sat-nav (real men don't get lost), heated leather seats (real men don't let nothin' warm their a**es) or cruise control (real men put the damn foot down). NO, this brute comes with things us testosterone-fuelled action junkies need. It has a wicked engine to out-run the cops, it's got beer holders front & centre. My friend, it even has billy club and knife holders so if you're getting jacked you can be sure all they're gonna get is a sore head and a new smile.
It has two doors so you have to squeeze in all the hotties you picked up at the liquor store on the way to the gym to blast those biceps while hydrating with a bottle of Jack. There's a massive boot that'll fit more hookers than a Labour MP's credit card. Bullet holes in the windscreen 'coz the Taliban are always shootin' at me and six almost new tires 'coz the last ones got blown out by spike strips during a bank job. Comes with a soft top for the Canadian winter so you can drive around with the top down like Chuck Norris and show everyone what you're made of.
Attracts lots of college girls with self-esteem, daddy, weight, and eyesight issues. Not for the man with a weak stomach, or any green boys. This car deserves a manly man (or woman). You can come see this beast for yourself, email me at yourjeep.tj.97@ gmail.com and I'll reply with the rendezvous point.
This Jeep will outlive you and all the offspring that carry your name. It'll live on as a monument to the man you were, the man every other man wants to be, the cooler than the Dos Equis guy Navy Seal Jeep man.
The Good:
80 hp in Navy Seal war factory form
Great gas mileage, I've personally got 50 mpg when romping the a** out of it and driving through the forest at high speeds by myself. However, any time the cargo of the car exceeds 180lbs, the mileage drops exponentially. With two normal sized dudes driving in this thing, you might hit 3mpg,,, with a light foot.
Looks like a square-jawed navy seal with war paint on.
Excellent sound system (I've been using a boombox without an antenna that recently broke so I threw it in the back seat so the roaches back there could live in it).
Tires have great tread and comes with 2 great spares (amazing considering the countless burnouts and stop-light drag races this Jeep has been through).
The Bad:
The roof sucks, it's too low for 8 foot tall people and people on stilts, though there is a hard and soft top.
Seats are from the 17th Century, surprisingly comfortable even after hundreds of years of hard a**es sitting on it!
Interior is shot, looks like somebody was negligent during their previous ownership (me without a doubt).
Smells like Winnipeg inside.
Stereo missing, wires exposed, more than likely the product of a drug deal gone bad.
Stains on the carpet. More than likely semen related, but who knows.
The Ugly:
Paint is chipped, tattered, altered, scraped, rusted, bruised, peeled, faded, worn, etc. from too many trailer park destruction derby's. With that said it's still smooth, clean and waxed so you can see the reflection of your muscles off the hood.
F*****s are always drawing on the rear window, I don't know who does it, but i'd do it too if i saw this piece of s**t navy box sitting on the street.
Original air filter, engine is too greasy and grimey to consider changing it without coming out looking like Wesley Snipes afterwards.
Brakes squeak, but that's ok, it attracts the attention of hookers when you pull up.
172000 KM and runs like a champ (from the special olympics).
Think you can make me an offer I can't refuse.,,.,.,.,.,.,,.,,.,.,.,?
Topic: Best Deal Ever! (Read 1640 times)